We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita