I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."