I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.