Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
