I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize