Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh god the rape fog is back!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
