on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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