he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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