She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
