you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
love makes seman taste better
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
