i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
