I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im part way to drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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