1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
