I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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