If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
