I'm gonna have a badass scar
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
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maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.