So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.