just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER