Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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