Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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