I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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