Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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