Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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