John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
