No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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