i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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