my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
