Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize