oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
