Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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