I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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