Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
