I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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