Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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