Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
