her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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