So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
