why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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