I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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