A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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