My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
