you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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