You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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