I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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