she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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