I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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