have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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