Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize