I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
tell me about the eggs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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