did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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