Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
