remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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