First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
