Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
