All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
